🐦🥪

MIAMI BEACH, FL — In a story that’s making even the most hardened courtroom reporters chuckle, a local Florida man is officially suing… a seagull.

Yes. You read that right.

His name is Chester “Chet” Buckley, age 42, and according to court documents filed this week, he is pursuing $3,500 in emotional damages against one particularly aggressive seagull, whom he alleges committed “unprovoked sandwich snatching, aggravated squawking, and public humiliation.”

The seagull, of course, has not responded.

Because it’s a seagull.

But the internet sure has.

🥪 The Incident: A Sandwich, a Scream, and Seagull Chaos

It all started on a sunny Tuesday afternoon. Chet was enjoying his lunch break at South Beach, sitting on a bench, eating what he describes as “the best turkey club this side of the Mississippi.”

“It had double bacon. Artisan bread. Aioli I can’t pronounce. It was perfect,” he tearfully told reporters. “And then that sky demon swooped in.”

According to witnesses, the seagull approached from the north at an aggressive glide angle, performed what can only be described as a divebomb maneuver, snatched the sandwich mid-bite, and flapped off in triumph — while letting out what one bystander described as “the loudest, most smug SKWAAAAK I’ve ever heard.”

🧠 Emotional Fallout: “I Can’t Look at Birds the Same”

“I haven’t been the same since,” said Chet. “I flinch every time I hear flapping. My kid showed me a cartoon with a pelican last night, and I had to go lie down.”

His therapist (yes, he got one after The Incident™) reportedly diagnosed him with a mild form of Avian-Related Post-Traumatic Snack Disorder (AR-PTSD).

“The trauma is real,” said Dr. Angela Fern. “Bird-related food theft is an underreported but very real emotional trigger. Especially in picnic-heavy states.”

🧑‍⚖️ The Lawsuit: Buckley v. Seagull, Case #SNDWCH420

Filed in small claims court, the lawsuit lists the defendant simply as “GULL, Unknown First Name,” and describes the bird as:

White and gray
“Beady-eyed”
“Too confident”
“Kind of a jerk”

The suit claims:

$12.95 for the stolen sandwich
$50 for therapy copay
$3,437.05 for “loss of joy and ongoing sandwich-related anxiety”

Chet’s legal team (a.k.a. his cousin Gary who once took a paralegal course) insists this is “not a joke.”

“If corporations are people,” Gary said, “why can’t birds be sued?”

📷 Evidence: Instagram Live Footage Goes Viral

Luckily (or unluckily for the bird), the entire incident was caught on video by a tourist named Brianna, who was live-streaming her beach day.

In the video (now viewed over 5 million times on TikTok), you can hear:

Chet humming happily
The flap of wings
A muffled shriek: “HEY!!”
The sound of seagull victory squawking
Chet shouting: “I’LL SEE YOU IN COURT, YOU FEATHERED THUG!”

The clip has become a viral meme. Some notable remixes include:

“Caw & Order: Sandwich Victims Unit”
Lo-fi beats titled “Bird Took My Lunch & My Trust”
A remix of Chet’s scream autotuned into a club banger

🐦 Seagull Not Present in Court, Obviously

Despite multiple “summons” posted on beach trash cans, the seagull has failed to appear.

The judge, with the patience of a saint and the facial expression of a man who seriously regrets going to law school, said:

“This is… highly unorthodox. But also, kind of hilarious. Let’s proceed.”

Legal experts are baffled but intrigued.

“This case will probably be dismissed, but honestly, it’s Florida. You never know,” said legal analyst Renee Martin.

📣 Internet Reactions: Divided Nation, United Laughter

Twitter (sorry, X) is split:

Team Chet: “Birds have gone too far. We must establish sandwich rights.”
Team Seagull: “Seagulls have mouths to feed too. It’s the food chain, bro.”
Team Chaotic Neutral: “Release 10 seagulls into the courtroom. Let’s see what happens.”

One user even created a GoFundMe for the Seagull’s legal defense, which has raised $1,234 and a half-eaten fry.

🪶 Bird Behavior Expert Weighs In

We spoke to Dr. Harold Pecks, an ornithologist with 30 years of experience and zero tolerance for nonsense:

“Seagulls are opportunistic. They will take your fries, your sandwich, even your dignity. But they cannot be held legally responsible. They do not understand contracts. They cannot sign waivers. They are birds.”

When asked if he thought the lawsuit had any chance, Dr. Pecks simply stared at us for 30 seconds and said:

“I weep for humanity.”

🥗 What’s Next for Chet?

Despite the legal uncertainty, Chet says the fight is not about the sandwich anymore.

“This is about respect. Boundaries. Bird accountability.”

He has launched a campaign called “Wings Off My Lunch”, complete with t-shirts, bumper stickers, and a surprisingly catchy jingle.

He also claims he’s been contacted by:

A documentary filmmaker
A frozen sandwich company offering him a sponsorship
The Discovery Channel, for a special titled “Seagulls: The Silent Snack Assassins”